More and more Absolutely, Positively, Genuine, Real Fake News is coming across the pipeline, and Sir Telsunn Margraves has chronicled important fake news in the book that has been, heretofore, ignored by the mainstream news media. This obvious attempt to hide this significant news from the American people is expected, but no less tragic when “carefully edited truth” is being kept from all of us.
We at ‘…Real Fake News’ take our responsibilities seriously and in the words of former President Barack Hussein Obama, “I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.” It is this kind of commitment to the truth that will help college students become more informed and cement our hope for future generations. Here’s a summary of what’s ‘…Real Fake News the Book’ and what it’s all about…
Samantha Bee Interviews the Clinton’s – As Sir Telsunn Margraves sat in the audience, he pondered what a Hillary Clinton presidency would be like. This interview was especially revealing in that Samantha Bee was brave enough to confront Mrs. Clinton with hard-hitting and probing questions. As you might have guessed, former President Bill Clinton does not disappoint, so please enjoy your front row seat at this informative, surprise-filled interview.
George and Amal Clooney Open the Beverly Hills Muslim Outreach Center – London, England’s loss is Beverly Hills, California’s gain as the “A List” billionaire power couple relocates to Los Angeles. Sir Telsunn Margraves was in the crowd as the dynamic duo arrives at the airport to announce the opening of the “George and Amal Clooney Muslim Outreach Center in Beverly Hills.” LA Mayor Eric Garcetti, CA Governor Jerry Brown, and Weldon Blunt, Airport Public Waste Technician are all there to greet George, Amal and their children.
Former FBI Director Comey Alleges Sexual Harassment by Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg – Sir Telsunn Margraves’ next foray reveals that progressive women in DC voted the former head of the FBI, James Comey as the sexiest man in Washington. Apparently this did not go unnoticed by Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. The lurid tale is told to investigators in an interview at police headquarters where Sir Telsunn was fortunate to be viewing the interview through a two-way mirror. Former Director Comey tells of his attempt to buy Justice Ginsburg’s Hummer. The outcome was truly upsetting and unnerving for Mr. Comey in light of all the sexual harassment claims that have become front page news!
The Trump – Limbaugh Barbeque – In covering fake news, Sir Telsunn Margraves has learned that when the media hears either the name Trump or the name Limbaugh, they descend into the depths of anger, grief and despair. Put them in the same sentence, however, and they descend to the depths of hysteria. The NY Times, CNN, Associated Press, The View and other outlets have allocated resources to reveal the blatant attempt by the White House to savage orphans, or as they called, ‘no parent persons’. One report builds upon another until a horrific crescendo is reached.
Kim Jong Un and Actress Madeleine LeBeau Wed – England has William and Kate, Harry and Meghan and now North Korea joins the community of nations as they celebrate the marriage of supreme leader Kim Jong Un to the lovely and talented actress Madeline LeBeau. An intimate gathering of 1,297,618 guests and press from around the world are there for the joyous celebration. There were so many people in attendance that Sir Telsunn was forced to disguise himself as a leper in order to have enough room to witness this stellar event.
Chelsea Handler Launches the ‘I Hate Trump Fan Club’ – Late night host, Chelsea Handler takes charge as Chairperson, with Madonna as Music Director, Rosie O’Donnell as the Head of The Food Committee, and many more notables on the Advisory Board meet in a gathering that will boggle the mind. Hear Maxine Waters, Nancy Pelosi, Ashley Judd and many others speak their minds to a packed auditorium. The insights on the philosophical direction of this new grass roots organization are both fascinating and enlightening. With so many notables present, there was no need for Sir Telsunn Margraves to be surreptitious.
The Snowflake Lounge – HBO®’s John Oliver and his crew perform research and provide probing insights that went into the documentary, “The Snowflake Lounge.” Explore, along with Sir Telsunn, the newly built 60,000 S/F facility, soon to be enlarged to 210,000 square feet, located on the campus of UC Berkeley to accommodate students in light of Donald Trump’s the presidency. The lounge was built to cater to a growing segment of students in need comfort and succor. It’s an opportunity to meet the students affectionately known as ‘snowflakes’ and to find out what goes on in their minds.
Senator Elizabeth Warren to be First Guest on Mister Roger’s Neighborhood Reboot – Sir Telsunn Margraves’ took a job as the lighting director at the new PBS® produced children’s program, “Mr. Tarantino’s Neighborhood.” Quentin Tarantino brings his unique style to the beloved children’s program reboot as he welcomes his very first guest, Senator Elizabeth Warren. Meet new characters including Officer Poe Poe, Carlos Comeback, Queen Trunky Monkey and more. You will even hear Sen. Warren converse with the children in her Native American tongue. It’s a new spin on a PBS® classic that your kids will come to know and love.
The Science Guy Blames Global Warming for Drastic Drop of UFO Sightings – At a news conference recently, Sir Telsunn Margraves witnessed fake news history. At the press conference, Bill Nye the Science Guy announced that, in 2016, the world experienced a dramatic drop in visits by extraterrestrials. Through independent research by Paul’s Astronomy Club and SETI (Sarah’s Extra-large Telescopic Institute), he concludes that this precipitous drop can be directly attributed to man-made global warming. Former California Governor Schwarzenegger and current Governor Brown are concerned as they lament the possible end of the world.
Chrissy Teigen’ s Moment to Shine – Glamorous Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Chrissy Teigen, and her musician/husband, John Legend, attend the Gala Fundraiser for “Black Lives Matter.” The gala is a gathering of the elite of New York society and top acts from hip-hop and rap, local politicians and leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement looking to raise funds for the cause. Sir Telsunn Margraves was able to find a seat at the dais disguised as Ed Sheeran and he was able to record the event that he refers to as his special tribute to Tom Wolfe.
ISIS Terrorist Checks into Seattle Clinic – Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the terror group ISIS recently checked himself into the Seattle’s Happy House Center for the Treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorders. Sir Telsunn Margraves was able to tap into a conference call coordinated by Mr. al-Baghdadi’s psychiatrist, Dr. Evan Tamper. In this impactful discussion the terrorist, known as ‘Chip’ by his fellow residents, confronts his sickness and seeks the appropriate therapy to become a productive member of society.
Transgenders to Form Their Own Military – As a result of a controversial decision not to allow Transgenders to serve in the military, it was announced that transitional men and women will form their own military. In a gathering of senior officers discussed, hurdles and obstacles to be overcome were discussed. It was decided to start with the Army and add a Navy, Marine Corp, Air Force and Coast Guard later. Other decisions including, guns or no guns, where to locate bases, uniforms and more will be made. At the meeting, Sir Telsunn Margraves heard the issues Transgenders will confront, but he left with hope they will achieve their objectives.
Democrats Gives America “The Better Deal” – After dramatic loses in past election cycles, Sir Telsunn Margraves was able to consort with the Democrat Party on their theme to retake power, “The Better Deal!” The DNC Building Auditorium is filled and everyone is there for speeches by Tom Perez, Sen. Chuck Schumer, Sen. Cory Booker, President Obama and others. DNC leaders and party stalwarts combine policy recommendations with the humor of the King of the One-Liners Henny Youngman for added impact. An ever present media; Sir Telsunn and reporters from the mainstream media, was there to make sure nothing was lost to posterity.
Russian Meddling in Presidential Election Proven – The entire country has been waiting for what has recently been uncovered and reported by Sir Telsunn Margraves of …Real Fake News. It all began in the unlikely town of Blandford, MA, and the evidence is so overwhelming and conclusive that Special Counsel Robert Mueller reluctantly addresses the issue in somber tones, “I believe this is a sad day for American and our sacred electoral system”, and its bad news for President Trump.
Stephen Colbert Files Suit to Prevent Church from Using Town Park for Bake Sale – Arguments surrounding separation of Church and State has strong advocates on both sides. Sir Telsunn Margraves and reporters from the mainstream media have converged on Ashtabula, Ohio to take the pulse of citizenry regarding this threat to democracy, the Annual Church Bake Sale. Stephen Colbert has made Ashtabula “ground zero” and pledges to fight and purge God from every public area; schools, government offices and motor vehicle departments throughout the US. Colbert vows to take the fight all the way to the Supreme Court!
Acosta and Tapper of CNN Become Engaged! – On a happy note, ‘…Real Fake News’ is pleased to report on a story coming out of Chattanooga, Tennessee. This heartwarming announcement, originally published in the Signal Mountain Gazette, is a welcome diversion from the serious news that ‘…Real Fake News’ and Sir Telsunn Margraves usually reports on. The entire staff sends their best wishes and congratulations to the happy couple.
Shadow Government, Ready to Overthrow President Trump, Found in Obama’s Basement – If you’ve ever doubted that there is a deep state conspiracy to nullify the election of Donald Trump, and install a shadow government, doubt no more. The covert operations take place in the newly remodeled basement of former President Barack Obama’s Washington DC home. He has assembled a team of trusted advisors to carry out the effort to expunge everything Trump. This expose, reported by a highly placed source, was told to Sir Telsunn Margraves of and it will send chills down your spine.
The New EU Campaign “Wear a Burka to Worka!” – The European Union again eclipses the world with its outreach to Muslims by declaring a new, fun way to get the citizens of various European cultures to bond and join in wearing burkas to work. Sir Telsunn Margraves reports that the EU encourages participants to decorate their burkas with fast food logos, dream cars even favorite Disney characters. The EU Council President Donald Tusk (no relation to Donald Trump) makes the announcement with all the appropriate pomp and circumstance.
You May be White but You Ain’t Right – After hearing of college courses on the need to eliminate all references to whiteness, Sir Telsunn Margraves decides to visit the campus of Stanford University. There he discovered what professors consider a scourge that must be eradicated; the scourge is white people, white ideas, white culture and white, well white everything. In order to deliver on this promise, college campus’ around the country are instituting special courses to teach white students how not to be white students.
Massive Google Controversy “Tampons in Men’s Rooms” – Former Google employees have come forward with the startling revelation that Google is stocking men’s rooms with tampons because men could menstruate. Sir Telsunn attended a rally featuring some surprising disclosures from men who, in fact, do menstruate. Hear heartbreaking tales from ordinary men and notable personalities, like Alec Baldwin, Bill Maher and even Stephen Colbert, and how they live with the scourge of menstruation…it’s not pretty.
Liberal Groups Seek to Ban Items They Deem as “Unsafe, Unhealthy, Unnecessary, Unconscionable, Unneeded and Uninformed” – In this proclamation by a cabal of left-wing radical groups, products and policies are exposed as the truly dangerous things they are. Sir Telsunn Margraves reports that everything from a new Pledge of Allegiance, to Barbie Dolls and bovine flatulence are identified for elimination or severe restrictions. One by one the group’s spokesperson reveals specific items that represent all that is bad and how to fix these scourges and blights on the American people and all peoples of the world.
Colin Kaepernick Signs with NFL – It took a few years for Sir Telsunn Margraves to recognize that football in America is very different from the football played in Great Britain and countries around the world. That being said, Sir Telsunn is compelled to report America’s loss is Nigeria’s gain as Colin Kaepernick signs a three year contract to play for the NFL (Nigerian Football League).
New Poll! Trump Approval Drops to 3%! – A consortium of the world’s most powerful media outlets has released the results of their first poll and the Trump Administration has much to worry about. In an interview with Sir Telsunn Margraves, even Jeff Zucker of CNN is heard to have said “Everyone at CNN has tried to be fair when covering the president. I am deeply saddened to see such erosion in support for President Trump; I was hoping that he would be successful.” Sir Telsunn laments, “This is a sad day for America.”
Nancy Pelosi’s Clarifies Her Father’s Dedication of a Confederate Monument – After more than 60 years, Nancy Pelosi reveals a long kept family secret. Through a bureaucratic blunder during her father’s tenure as Baltimore mayor, the late Thomas D’Alesandro Jr., a horrific mistake was made. Sir Telsunn is there to witness Nancy Pelosi as she now tells the true story behind the statues of General Robert E. Lee and General Stonewall Jackson that were placed in a Baltimore park for children and birds to enjoy.
Professor Elizabeth Stephens and her wife Annie Sprinkles give new meaning to the Great Outdoors – In light of recent events where sexual harassment has made headlines, some forward thinking University of California educators have come up with the answer. ‘Eco-sex’ expert Professor Elizabeth Stephens, of UC Santa Cruz and her wife, Annie Sprinkles are promoting having sex with the Earth or “Ecosexualism.” Sir Telsunn Margraves reports that it’s safe and easily accessible to all, no matter what sex you identify with, and not a single sexual harassment charge to date.
Ana Navarro of CNN calls Trump a ‘Shameful Nincompoop’ and ‘Unfit to Be Human’ ” – Sir Telsunn Margraves was in the CNN studio to witness the beginnings of a vicious scolding given to President Trump by Ana Navarro. What was meant as serious criticism of President Trump, by one of CNN’s premier commentators, soon degenerated into dizzying back-and-forth harangue of insult and derogatory. Ms. Navarro seems to have started the attack, but never one to shy away from a fight, the Trump Administration fights back.
Snowflake Students Condemn Bananas and their Peels at Ole Miss – Sir Telsunn Margraves roamed the campus of Ole Miss to report on the angst he found. Snowflake students there are in fear for their lives due to racism and ethnic intolerance. A banana peel, thrown by a student was spotted by Alpha Kappa Alpha President, Makala McNeil one of the school’s historically black sororities. Despite the offending student’s explanation, many snowflake students left in tears after McNeil’s discovered the peel. Students of the snowflake variety have indicated they do not feel “safe” and who can blame them.
Brave Political Reporters on Cable News in Eye of the Storms – The 2017 hurricane season was full force there with relentless rain and wind. While Sir Telsunn Margraves did not put himself into harm’s way, other intrepid newsmen did. What did danger, mean to the brave reporters from networks MSNBC, CNN and NBC News? It meant that they will risk their lives, standing out in the rain and wind, in hopes of blaming this serious weather occurrence on President Donald Trump. Sir Telsunn was more than happy to let others reap the reward of getting wet and catching cold.
Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau Welcoming Immigrants – Canada has welcomed immigrants in direct contrast to the Trump Administration’s mandate to block immigrants from certain countries. The assignment took CNN’s Jim Acosta, to Toronto for the interview with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. PM Trudeau explains how he lives by the old French saying, ‘La maison est où le coeur est’ which loosely translated means, “Home is where the heart is. Sir Telsunn Margraves accompanied Acosta as a member of the camera crew.”
A Startling Comparison: President Trump VS Various Diseases – Dr. John Gartner, former Johns Hopkins professor, diagnosed the President Trump with “malignant narcissism.” Hollywood and entertainment celebrities also spoke openly comparing the president to various diseases and negative stereotypes. Ana Navarro (early onset dementia), Don Cheadle (unnamed disease), Guillermo del Toro (cancer), Susan Sarandon (drunk uncle), Stephen King (rabid coyote) and much more. Even ordinary American’s get a chance to identify President Trump with a number of maladies and Sir Telsunn Margraves was there to capture every word.
Rob Reiner Forms Task Force to Investigate Trump/Russia Collusion – Rob Reiner, actor, director and “Meat Head” on the sitcom “All in the Family” teams with a distinguished advisory board to launch InvestigateRussia.org. This outreach attempts to implicate President Trump in the Russian Collusion narrative. Sir Telsunn Margraves interviews many celebrities by disguising himself as a reporter for the Hallmark Channel. He spoke with Jennifer Lawrence of “Breast Buddies.org” for feminist causes, Jaleel White “Ebony and Ivory.org” for race relations, Sean Penn’s “Jerking off for the Jerk.org” for sexual liberation from Donald Trump.
Lawrence O’Donnell Confesses, “I May Have Tourette’s Syndrome” – After spewing a profanity laced and anger filled tirade aimed at the staff of his MSNBC television program, Lawrence O’Donnell made a sorrowful confession to his crew; he admitted that he may have Tourette’s syndrome. After all, what other explanation could there be? Sir Telsunn Margraves agrees and has transcribed the horrific epithets into an impactful article.
Robert Mueller Adds Members to his Team Investigating President Trump – Special Investigator Mueller has come to a spirited defense of James Comey as part of his investigation into Russian collusion by the Trump campaign. Mueller hopes to put to rest the fallacy of his close relationship with former director Comey. Sir Telsunn Margraves has examined the preponderance of work generated by the Russia collusion investigation and he was told it requires that Robert Mueller must add additional staff of experienced professionals. You will be surprised who has been appointed to his staff.
The Obama Legacy…It’s all In How You Look At It – Lately former President Barrack Hussein Obama has sustained a number of ugly blots on his presidency. This is not something that can’t be tolerated, so former Attorney General Eric Holder has been appointed to set the record straight, and to highlight a few of the many accomplishments of the eight years of Obama’s presidency. In an expansive explanation, Holder and other Obama Administration members recount these successes to Sir Telsunn Margraves and members of the news media.
North West Gives Direction to America – Kim Kardashian confidently claims “Anyone can run the US better, my daughter would be better (than Donald Trump)” With that, an overflow press conference is called by Ms. Kardashian where she allowed the newsmen and women to see, for themselves, the brilliance behind her young daughter’s grasp on politics. Sir Telsunn Margraves must admit that she is quite the astute observer of world affairs. And finally!!!
The First Annual APGR Fake News Awards of 2017 – In a glamourous and star-studded gala event at Washington DCs “Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts”, more than 2,600 attendees are there for the First Annual “Absolutely, Positively, Genuine, Real Fake News” Awards. Sir Telsunn Margraves acts as the Master of Ceremonies for the event as the evening features guest presenters including Katy Perry, Rahm Emanuel, Blac Chyna, Dr. Phil McGraw and Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino among others. The awards categories include, “Presidential Election 2016”, “Presidential Politics and Whatever”, “The Orson Welles/Arianna Huffington/Helen Thomas Fake News Person of the Year Award!”, “Potpourri and Far Beyond” plus “The Lifetime Legends of Fake News” Award and more. So join us for an informative, educational and fun-filled evening.