Massachusetts Democrat Senator Elizabeth Warren, candidate for Democrat Presidential nomination, claims having Native American heritage.  Sen. Warren told reporters that her notions of heritage were “based on my understanding of my family’s story.”  The Massachusetts Democrat, Senator Warren also presented her high-cheek bones as proof positive of her ethnicity.

In October, Warren released the DNA results showing she had a Native American ancestor six to 10 generations ago and proudly boasted she was 1/1025th Native American.

Unfortunately this move backfired and she has been pilloried by Americans many of all backgrounds that have earned her the nick-names “Pocahontas”, “Fauxcohontas”, “Liawatha”, “Grey Beaver” and other names that propriety has dictated that “Breaking News Blog” will not dignify!  She even used her false ethnicity to apply and get positions at institutions of higher learning as a minority applicant…imagine that!

The normally supportive Washington Post was scandalized by this disclosure and wrote, “Cherokee leaders outraged that she used the test to show any connection to the tribe, a process they control. It also dredged up uncomfortable issues about defining race via bloodlines”.

Duly chastised, Elizabeth Warren admitted, “I am not a tribal citizen. Tribes, and only tribes, determine citizenship,” Warren also said, “I have apologized for not being more sensitive to that distinction. It’s an important distinction.”

In an effort to mend fences with her Native American Indian brothers and sisters she has asked for a ‘pow-wow’, as she likes to think of it, and smoke a ‘peace-pipe’ with a stalwart member of the American Indian Omaha People’s community, Nathan Phillips.  Mr. Phillips, you may recall, inserted himself into a confrontation with Covington Catholic high school students at a Washington DC Rally. It seems that a false impression was made by the mainstream media that the students, who wore MAGA hats, were hostile toward Mr. Phillips.  The media also spread the claim that Phillips was a Vietnam War Veteran.

In an investigative report, this all this proved untrue and The Washington Examiner uncovered that Nathan Phillips was not a Vietnam War Veteran.  It was also revealed that had a lengthy criminal record that included escaping from prison, assault and driving without a license.

Just before the ‘pow-wow’ reporters asked Sen. Warren about Nathan Phillip’s past arrests and his confrontation with the Covington Catholic high school students.  Ms. Warren said, “America has an ugly history of racism. We need to confront it head-on. And we need to talk about the right way to address it and make change.” 

When asked by another reporter about Mr. Phillips’ newly discovered background, she replied, “I’ve known Mr. Phillips for nearly 3 days now and I see nothing in his behavior or his demeanor that would indicate the he is a lying, sniveling criminal miscreant. I quote House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi when I say ‘Just like MS13, we are all God’s children and Nathan is no exception.”

The reporter continues, “Senator Warren, what do you hope to accomplish with this meeting?”

Senator Warren replies, “That’s a god question! I hope to sit down with Nathan and come to terms with this recent, unfortunate controversy and offer support for the Native American people whom I feel a closeness and affinity for.”

Another reporter asks, “Where will your ‘pow wow” take place?”

Warren says, “Well I had hoped to be able to sit down at a Cherokee Reservation in Massachusetts, but unfortunately there are none.  I also looked at the Chaubunagungamaug Reservation however they don’t have a casino and I wanted my husband Bruce to have something to do while Nathan and I are meeting.  Ultimately we decided on the Aquinnah Reservation and Casino on Martha’s Vineyard.  I figured Martha’s Vineyard is very similar to the Western Plains of the United States and the Democrats are akin to great Buffalo herds that gather there.  I also figure I can to do some fundraising after my meeting.”

“Senator Warren, do you have a specific agenda.  What do you think Mr. Phillips will say about your recent apology to Native Americans?”

Elizabeth Warren wipes away a tear that seems to be welling in her left eye, “I hope that Nathan can forgive my totally innocent but regrettable remark concerning my heritage.  I know this is painful for him, but I believe that I can make a good faith effort to build a great ‘tee pee’ of understanding, smoke a ‘peace-pipe’ at our ‘pow-wow’ and call him my ‘Kemosabe!’

Reporters are hurling questions at the Democrat senator from Massachusetts as fast as they can.  One reporter yells out, “What else are you going to do that the ‘pow-wow’?”

Senator Warren says, “I have been studying the Cherokee language and as we say in their native tongue, I hope we can walk away as ‘o-ga-nvs’ or friends…I hope.  I will ask Nathan if he would take the traditional sign of friendship and become blood non-gender specific persons.  I am hoping to get a quart of blood from him as a token of friendship.”

The reporter asks a follow up question, “That’s seems like a lot of blood”

Sen. Warrens answers, “Not if you are hoping to be lifelong friends.”

Finally the press briefing comes to an end.  Both Sen. Warren and a very pale and gaunt Mr. Phillips stand to face the press corps.  Sen. Warren spoke, “I want to implore the press to please refrain from asking Nathan any questions.  He has skipped lunch and it seems to have weakened him a bit, but if will allow for one last question.  One reporter yells, “Is there anything else you would like to tell Democrat voters?”

The senator says a quick “No” and grabs Nathan by the arm as he stumbles and falls off the stage and they leave the room.

Six weeks after the ‘pow-wow’, a spokesman for the Warren campaign issues a communique to the mainstream media that reads;

“Senator Warren has become the subject of scorn and ridicule over her claim of Native American heritage.  In recent weeks however she has discovered a letter her great-great-great grandmother wrote to her great-great-grandmother that sheds a completely different light on the matter. As a result, in the coming weeks she intends to take another blood test which she is now confident will prove her claim that her Native American heritage is true and honest.  We will issue a heavily redacted copy of this letter to prove her point.  Ms. Warren states that, in closing, she would like to leave you with the legendary Cherokee word and wish all you ‘hi-lv-s-gi-tsa-ta-ga’ all the best.”

2019-04-09T21:22:31+00:00April 9th, 2019|