Sir Telsunn Margraves has been investigating an extremely important absolutely, positively, genuine real fake news exposé. He can now report his findings about the ‘pissing’ contest between Jeff Bezos and Anthony Weiner over their penis photos.

Sir Telsunn recounts that much has been reported about the various penis photos being texted by both Mr. Bezos and Mr. Weiner and it is an important and newsworthy event that needs to be chronicled and offered factually to the American people.  In decades past the citizens of our great country have been lied to and now Sir Telsunn can present the truth in an honest manner so that they can decide for themselves.

After exhaustive research and reported in the Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair in an apparent endorsement of Mr. Bezos’ penis, declared that the mogul was never one to back away from a challenge, “If you’re competitor-focused, you have to wait until there is a competitor doing something.  Bezos is that extraordinary, and Amazon is that extraordinary, that he can bring down a bully.”  This was a thinly veiled reference to Anthony Wiener, now serving 21 months at the Federal Medical Center in Devens, Massachusetts,

For his part Mr. Weiner seemed to take exception the apparent reference to him as a ‘bully’ he declared, “Pictures get manipulated, pictures get dropped into accounts. We’ve asked an internet security firm and a law firm to take a hard look at this to come up with a conclusion about what happened.”  Mr. Weiner continued by saying “While I can’t say with certitude, the exaggerated size of Mr. Bezos’ penis is about as real as Elizabeth Warren’s Native American lineage.  I think that he is about a genuine as ‘Fauxcohontas’ is Cherokee! ”

Mr. Bezos issued an angry response to Mr. Weiner and said, “…So I wanted to project myself forward to age 80 and say, ‘Okay, now I’m looking back on my life. I want to have minimized the number of regrets I have. One regret I will never have is having a penis much bigger that Anthony Weiner’s!”  As a follow up Jeff Bezos’ spokesman and founder of crisis-management firm Temin and Company, Davia Temin declared, “He’s got the courage, and the position as the richest man in the United States and he can use any one of the penis extension products sold on Amazon to assure that he maintains his prominence over Mr. Weiner.

Mr. Weiner seems to have brushed off this obvious braggadocio and even revealed the nickname for his penis, ‘Noisy Monster’, and said to anyone that would listen, “For those of us who live in the shadow of this noisy monster, there aren’t too many of us who are sorry to see it go and I am sure that Bezos would love my Noisy Monster to go away but I assure you it’s not!”

Bezos seemed to be nonplussed by the latest Weiner declaration and, referring to his penis, said with obvious confidence, “I prefer to stand up, roll this log over, and see what crawls out.”

Sir Telsunn Margraves promises that he will keep an eye out for both Bezos’ and Weiner’s penises but assures all it will be at a safe distance.

2019-02-19T22:21:12+00:00February 19th, 2019|