The list is growing larger and larger by the day. American male celebrities are declaring themselves as lesbians in solidarity with radical feminists all across Manhattan’s East Side and Hollywood. The inspiration? Toxic Masculinity!
CNN’s Don Lemon said, “It’s about time men did something meaningful in regard to the systematic denigration of women in American society and the insidiousness of toxic masculinity. Besides, I figured this was a great way to meet girls and boys.” Seth MacFarlane chimed in, “I agree with Don, but I believe it also should be stated that being a lesbian does not mean you need to cut your testicles off, although many female radical lesbians think that it would be a welcoming gesture. For this reason Don and I have agreed to offer our testicles to Senator Mazie Hirono and Professor Christine Fair to use as they see fit in preparing a tasty recipes for their ‘Easy 18 Minute Male Genetalia Cookbook!”
Many other male celebrities have committed to becoming lesbians including John Oliver, Matt Damon, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Andy Cohen, Trevor Noah, Johnny Depp and Seth Meyers among numerous others. The spokesman for the group, Mark Ruffalo announced, “Each and every notable who wants to make their position clear are going to be able to march in their local gay pride parade under the float displaying the slogan; ‘What the World Needs Now Are More Male Lesbians!’ John Maher was asked to write the musical arrangement and lyrics for the slogan to the tune of “What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love.”
Some controversial celebrities seem to be interested in this initiative and they have made overtures to form various sub-groups of toxic-masculinity-stimulated men who want to be lesbians. They tell an unnamed source that ‘the past is the past’, but there are issues that could hamper the effectiveness of their sincere efforts. Men who have been in the public eye for many years, and are currently hiding, like Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Les Moonves, Harvey Weinstein, Brett Ratner, Andy Dick, Louis CK, Anthony Weiner and James Franco among many, many others have been accused of sexual harassment and this could cause some female lesbians to question the motivations of these men.
A spokeswoman/person for the radical feminist group, Woman’s Liberation Front, issued a statement of apprehension over what some fear is an effort to have men take over their group. “Who the f*ck do these pieces of sh*t perverts think they are trying to muscle in on our turf! What is this world coming to when a radical feminist lesbian can’t even beat the crap out of a man without someone forming a group to protest that insult to our cause. Listen if we need help getting our point across we can just castrate a bunch of these assholes and send their testicles to Sen. Mazie Hirono and Georgetown Prof. Christine Fair to use in experimenting with new recipes, though I fear that their “balls” will taste like sh*t.”
On a separate note, George Takei and Kevin Spacey issued a joint statement saying, “Don’t worry about us, we’re okay.”
As part of an effort to raise funds for their outreach, the fledgling group of male lesbians is holding a black-tie gale to honor Roman Polanski for his past work in setting the stage for what has followed over the decades. The famed director received “First Annual of Honorary Male Lesbian” award via closed-circuit TV given the fact that he is not allowed to enter the United States for fear of arrest. Mr. Polanski, as you may recall was charged with pedophilia which forced him to leave the country or spend the next 106 years in jail.